Ken

Ken is the man in my life…I love him so much, we have been pretty damn happy for going on 5 years.

Like any relationship we have had our ups and downs, and sometimes I wonder if her realizes we have had downs lol. 

He has a way of making me happy like no one else has, and he has also hurt me pretty bad…but so far the happy times kick the bad times ass .  when we met I wasn’t looking for anything really, I was being hassled that I needed to get out, to learn about being a “woman” and not just a mommy…but I was happy just being a mommy, or so I thought lol…

We met on the internet, yep we did, and nope hes not a freak lol.  After sharing some emails and such we decided to meet for “coffee” (I soooo hate coffee) at Denny’s.  I pulled in next to his car (it looked so beat up) and he got out in a dress shirt, tie and looking like such a silly little nerd…and I thought ohhh man is this going to be a long night, me I looked no better, I had just got out of the skate park with some friends, I was wearing baggy torn jeans and a hoodie…hair was a mess so I threw some sunglasses up there to hold it all down lol…so we looked so different…

We sat down, he got his coffee, I got a pepsi…he ordered wings and I stuck to the soda lol…but he cracked me up, not with jokes or stupid bull shit, just being us, it was great.  But I still didn’t think romantic, I though man this guy is pretty cool for looking like a dork…and that was how it all started lol, and how he got his nickname of being my dork .

Shortly after that we decided to go to the movies, Harry Potter 1 was coming out and my daughter soooo wanted to see it, so we made it a date, we would meet him there, see if my daughter doesn’t like him hes soooo gone, but I decided to up it a little and brough my nephew Little B…and I let them know they were to just be kids not to hold back, to be their silly, goofy selves that I sooo get a kick out of, we will call it a test.  He sailed through it, played video games with them, and laughed with them, he fit…we were all silly and it worked…

After that I invited him over and he sat and made harry potter potions with Ash, and they made gummy candy and some chocolate suckers lol, he never got grossed out by her wierd food choices from the harry potter potion kit, he tried them all lol.  She even sat on his lap, she hated guys lol (except Uncle D and Papa) so it was so huge…he came over every day for awhile, we watched TV picked Ash up togather, and I started having feelings…then one day boom started kissing and well it went so fast for me lol but it meant alot, and I knew I was in love…and we have been solid since then…

The downs have been hard…its created some distrust I am still struggling with…the personal ad he had, said it was before us, I said ok…he deleted it…then the adult personal ad he said he had to look at dirty pictures…ummm ok ouch talk about hurting me double…we got through it…then the ex girl friend calls and emails and chats he hid till I saw a email…now that burns, it hurts because he hid it, and because he still talks to her, and because she constantly brought up their past and the feelings…so I am still trying to work through all of it…and then theres the way he tends to forget me when with his friends working on the race cars, or when at his family functions, I could have been gone for hours before he even noticed…we have issues, but we are trying to keep the communication open…well I am trying anyways…I tend to bottle it all up, and not share, I have always been like that.

Ken is a pretty great guy, hes been so strong for us through so many medical problems, through all my surgeries…through Ashleys eye problems…hes never walked away from all the stress and preasure…I love him, I do, I just wish I could trust him like I used to, now when his phone rings and he takes it to another “quieter room” I wonder who it is, or when hes doing email, I wonder if any are her…I also wonder if he has other ads out there, I mean I do trust that he won’t cheat on me physically, but emotionally he sort of already did…and I guess thats the part that hurts, I mean his ex has a husband and all, but the emails defiantly made it sound like she had regrets and maybe wanted to see how things could be…anyways I wanted to explain where Ken and I started, where we are and so that somewhere down the lane when I talk about him it makes sence…

Despite my negative comments he is a good guy, I do love him completely, and I will try to talk to him about how I feel…

Well I will talk to everyone later, I need to go finish the kitchen…