Depression is my own private hell

There have been so many things going on in my life as of late that I feel like I am slowlt spinning out of control…

I went to the Doctors for a mamagram a few weeks ago and got called back for a suspicious area thta has them concerned…it scares the hell out of me, I watched my mom battle breast cancer, watched the effect of the chemo and radiation on her…it runs high in my family and I just fear it so bad…

My weight has been a huge issue with me…I lost so much weight and I felt so good, then the docs put me back on heavy steroids due to severe rhumitoid problems, and the weight came back and some…When I get like this I hate myself, I mean truely hate myself…I cry if I have to try on clothes, I don’t feel sexy when I am intimate with Ken and I avoid mirrors at all costs…its tearing me up inside, I feel like ts a slow death at times.

I have battled depression most of my life, this times just seems worse.  Ken says he will walk with me every evening, so heres to hoping.  I have also been doing exercises alone through out the day…I need to figure this all out…I also need to start eating healthier.  Things just seem to be snowballing in my head…

Well I am off to clean and goof off with Ashley…stay cool in this freak heat wave and have fun…

Carie